I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
