god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
