Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
