you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
