I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
