it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
