if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
