Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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