Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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