I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
