SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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