dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
