Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
