I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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