Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
