Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
