I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My vagina is officially offended.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize