can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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