I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
