ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You're a waste of cheezeits
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
