I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
