i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
