just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
