i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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