One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
