Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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