Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
