I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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