In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
