Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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