I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
