I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just sucked dick on a ferry
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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