I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
