There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize
