forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he told me I talked like a deaf person
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
