Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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