turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
