my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
