I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
did i just pee glitter
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
