ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
