I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm both gender and math confused
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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