Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
