are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize