I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have fence marks all over my body
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
