my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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