I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
