I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
