I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
