dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
