After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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