I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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