This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you win again, gameday.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
