I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
