Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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