omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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