I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
