T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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