K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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