i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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