Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
