wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
