I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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