How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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