Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
