she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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