I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Randomize
