Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
