May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
