I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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