M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
