I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
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