i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
