I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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