New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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