So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
