so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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