Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize