Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
