I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
