Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
