Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
