i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
