Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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