The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
