i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize