how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
