Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
