Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm experimenting with sincerity
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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