How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
